They’re Here

Lyra Harper and Ethan Christopher, born Friday, May 29th at 1:11 pm and 1:13 pm.  Lyra weighed 990grams, or 2.18lbs and was 14 inches long, Ethan weighed 1000grams or 2.2 pounds and was 13 1/4 inches long.  Both are in the NICU, extubated after 28 hours on the vent, and doing well. We made it to 26 6/7 weeks after 2 weeks of bedrest.

More updates to come.

Photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ceejayoz/sets/72157618893704933/

Venting–Twin Issues

Note: If anyone’s feeling sensitive, this probably isn’t the post for you to read right now.

So, as you know, we got lucky on our first medicated IUI with donor sperm, and have wound up with twins. I now feel that we were kind of pressured into taking the Clomid: “Oh, we’ll monitor you, there’s only an 8% chance of twins, etc” Well, I had three follicles develop, and two fertilized and stuck. And I am so scared of having twins. When I was in my late teens, I was a nanny for twins(and their slightly older sister), and it was awful–one would scream, which would set the other one off, and I wasn’t strong enough to hold them both at the same time….I can just see myself falling off the deep end with these two. At almost 15 weeks, I’m pretty sure it’s too late for selective reduction….why didn’t I push for that earlier? I guess I was in denial, thinking that I’d miscarry one and that everything would be ok.

The medications for they hyperemesis (phenergan, benedryl, reglan, zofran) have kept me so out of it that all I do lately is sleep.

However, last week I was finally able to wean off them, and suddenly: excess energy! Which for me, manifests itself as worry and panic attacks, etc. I’m bipolar to start with, and couldn’t keep any of my psych meds down during the hyperemesis, so I’ve basically been unmedicated for the past 12 weeks. Last Sunday my husband brought me to the ED twice to try and get some help, and all I got was a lecture on how “this was a very special pregnancy,” etc etc. Since then, I’ve managed to get into see my therapist, OB, andpsychiatrist, and we’re hoping that now that I can keep pills down I’ll start getting better.

I feel so guilty about this, when I know there are thousands of woman who would kill to be in my place. But my husband and I only ever wanted one baby. I wanted that closeness, that intimacy with my baby that I can’t have now. I wanted to do attachment parenting, and I don’t think that’s possible when you’ve got two babies to split your attention between. So much of what i wanted to do, I can’t have. I go to the baby stores and look at double strollers, and they’re so huge. We had to buy a new car just to fit the two carseats and twin stoller in it.

Please, someone out there tell me I’m not alone in this. I know twins are supposed to be a blessing, but it all feels so damn overwhelming right now. All I can do is cry these days.

NT test results and Belly Shots

We had another appointment today, and it went well.  Got the results back from the nuchal translucency ultrasound and bloodwork, and it looks good.  Our chances of a baby with Down’s was 1 in 4800(or therabouts, I don’t remember the actual number), and the doc doesn’t recommend amnio or CVS testing.  Which is good, because I didn’t really want to do either of them.  The idea of it kinda scares me.  Giant needles do not belong in those places!

Dr S was able to find both babies’ heartbeats today, which was pretty cool.  He also cautioned against using the doppler too often, because it concentrates a lot of energy into a fairly small spot.  I’m not terribly worried about my every-three-days habit for now.

Took our first belly shot last night.  I look like hell, but my belly is getting…dramatic.  The change over the past week is surprising. I am going to be huge by the time this pregnancy is done.
Jen (and her IV pole) at 13 weeks

Hyperemesis Backslide

Damnit, I was doing so well, but the past two days as I try to wean off of the meds, I find myself  backsliding.  Threw up about 15-20 times yesterday, and about 10 so far today…talked to the MD’s nurse who said I could go back on the Zofran and see if that will help.  One thing is for sure: I can’t go off the benedryl. 

This is so disappointing: I was doing so well, hadn’t thrown up in 9 days, and then the pharmacy ran out of benedryl and couldn’t get it to me in time for my doses, and everything went to hell.    So, a few more days on the Zofran, and then I guess we’ll try again.  I’m just so disappointed.

Heartbeats

We finally found the heartbeats(or at least, one of them) with the doppler! Will post them as soon as I figure out how.
Pretty cool.

ETA: Here you go!</p>

Oy, I got behind on posting.  Here’s the latest updates:

Spent last weekend in the hospital trying to get the hyperemesis under control, and it actually worked!  I haven’t thrown up in a week, which is amazing for me.  I’m still on tons of meds: Reglan,Phenergan, Benedryl.  We’re starting to try and wean off the meds, and so Dr S had me stop the Zofran yesterday.  So far, so good.  Still doing two liters of IV fluids a day, because I have a hard time drinking enough.  Still showing ketones in my urine too, which I don’t really understand: I’m not starving myself anymore; I can eat real meals, so why is my body still breaking down the fat stores?

Had our 5th ultrasound yesterday for the first trimester screen, and it went great.  If I remember correctly, the nuchal measurement is supposed to be less than 2mm, and Baby A was 1.0mm, Baby B was 1.2mm.  Of course, we have to wait for the bloodwork to get the official results, but I’m not too worried.  The babes actually looks like babies now, instead of like gummy bears.  Can see hands, feet, legs, noses(!), watch them roll and move around…Pretty cool.  Baby A was lying with her feet crossed at the ankle, which I found to be exceedingly cute.  Videos are up on Flickr here.

I’m starting to show, which I guess isn’t too surprising considering the ultrasound tech says the tops of my uterus is at my navel.  I had no idea it was that big, but it makes sense–both babies are about 5-5.5 cm long, with 8-10cm sacs…lots of stuff in there taking up space.   Anyways, most of my shirts are too short now, they ride up around my belly.  We need to go out and buy some maternity shirts today.  Can’t believe I’m 12 weeks and already in maternity clothes. 

Dr S found heartbeats yesterday with the doppler.  I haven’t tried yet with our home doppler, but hopefully we can find them soon.

So, things seem to be going well now.  I’m nearly out of the first trimester danger zone, which is a relief.  Hope all is well with everyone else!

Time for an update…

Still feeling pretty miserable here–threw up about 40 times yesterday, which is better than the 70x/day I had last week. I actually threw up so hard last week that I started bleeding vaginally and panicked, thought I was losing one or both twins. U/s showed that they were fine and hormone levels were all fine, they said the bleeding was from my vagina and cervix rubbing against each other when I vomiting, nothing to do but stop vomiting! If only it were that easy.

I think I might be showing?! I’ve always had a little pooch there so I def. look pregnant, but I think it’s starting to look different over the past week. And I think I can actually feel my uterus if I poke around just above my pubic bone, which is kinda cool.

We got a home doppler and are waiting until we can find HBs with that. I’ve tried a few times and was able to catch flashes of something in the 150-170 range, but not sure if it was babies or something else–digestion, maybe? At any rate, nothing I can hold onto with the doppler. I’m only 9w4d, so it’s still too early–the doppler says 10-12 weeks.

Every week I hit feels just amazing to me. I think, “9 weeks, wow, that’s so far along!” especially compared to my previous 5 week pregnancies.

Getting a lot of stabbing pains in my breasts.  The achniess of the first few weeks has gone away, and now I just get stabbing pains, mostly on the right–but I’m not sure if it’s from development or if it’s because that’s where my mediport(IV) is.

Not really sure if I’ve been released from the RE or not–they were going to do an u/s at 7 weeks, but the midwife I was seeing at the time wanted it sooner so I canceled the RE’s u/s and went in earlier. Haven’t heard anything from the RE since I called and told them I was having twins. Think I should call them?

As far as the hyperemesis goes, I’m still on IV fluids and IV reglan and Zofran.  It seems to be working a bit–I’d hate to see what my vomiting would be like without them, and I know the fluids are playing a big part in keeping the three of us alive.  I still have ketones in my urine most of the time.  I’m able to eat a little bit–just had some ravioli, hoping that stays down.
Feeling pretty lonely around here.  Tonight is my team’s “holiday party” (just a little late), and I’m really sad to be missing it–was really hoping I could get out of the house, even for an hour, and see some familiar faces.  I feel like I’m missing out on so much with this pregnancy–this is it for me, and I’m too sick to enjoy it.  I’m really worried that this will last the entire pregnancy–CJ says it isn’t worth worrying about, but I think I’d rather be prepared for it, and then possibly be pleasantly surprised.  I belong to a hyperemesis forum, and it seems like about 75 % of people there have it last at least into the second trimester, and a lot have it last the entire time.  No way of knowing which way I’ll go, and I know that my sample is biased, but still.  It worries me.
Hoping for a better day tomorrow.  I see my OB Friday again, maybe he’ll have some good news for me.  He offered to hospitalize me last week but I declined, fearing that I’ll go crazy in the hospital.  Starting to consider taking him up on it.  At least in the hospital, they could treat me faster than making a change once a week, kwim?  I’ll think about it.