Tag Archives: twins

Venting–Twin Issues

Note: If anyone’s feeling sensitive, this probably isn’t the post for you to read right now.

So, as you know, we got lucky on our first medicated IUI with donor sperm, and have wound up with twins. I now feel that we were kind of pressured into taking the Clomid: “Oh, we’ll monitor you, there’s only an 8% chance of twins, etc” Well, I had three follicles develop, and two fertilized and stuck. And I am so scared of having twins. When I was in my late teens, I was a nanny for twins(and their slightly older sister), and it was awful–one would scream, which would set the other one off, and I wasn’t strong enough to hold them both at the same time….I can just see myself falling off the deep end with these two. At almost 15 weeks, I’m pretty sure it’s too late for selective reduction….why didn’t I push for that earlier? I guess I was in denial, thinking that I’d miscarry one and that everything would be ok.

The medications for they hyperemesis (phenergan, benedryl, reglan, zofran) have kept me so out of it that all I do lately is sleep.

However, last week I was finally able to wean off them, and suddenly: excess energy! Which for me, manifests itself as worry and panic attacks, etc. I’m bipolar to start with, and couldn’t keep any of my psych meds down during the hyperemesis, so I’ve basically been unmedicated for the past 12 weeks. Last Sunday my husband brought me to the ED twice to try and get some help, and all I got was a lecture on how “this was a very special pregnancy,” etc etc. Since then, I’ve managed to get into see my therapist, OB, andpsychiatrist, and we’re hoping that now that I can keep pills down I’ll start getting better.

I feel so guilty about this, when I know there are thousands of woman who would kill to be in my place. But my husband and I only ever wanted one baby. I wanted that closeness, that intimacy with my baby that I can’t have now. I wanted to do attachment parenting, and I don’t think that’s possible when you’ve got two babies to split your attention between. So much of what i wanted to do, I can’t have. I go to the baby stores and look at double strollers, and they’re so huge. We had to buy a new car just to fit the two carseats and twin stoller in it.

Please, someone out there tell me I’m not alone in this. I know twins are supposed to be a blessing, but it all feels so damn overwhelming right now. All I can do is cry these days.

NT test results and Belly Shots

We had another appointment today, and it went well.  Got the results back from the nuchal translucency ultrasound and bloodwork, and it looks good.  Our chances of a baby with Down’s was 1 in 4800(or therabouts, I don’t remember the actual number), and the doc doesn’t recommend amnio or CVS testing.  Which is good, because I didn’t really want to do either of them.  The idea of it kinda scares me.  Giant needles do not belong in those places!

Dr S was able to find both babies’ heartbeats today, which was pretty cool.  He also cautioned against using the doppler too often, because it concentrates a lot of energy into a fairly small spot.  I’m not terribly worried about my every-three-days habit for now.

Took our first belly shot last night.  I look like hell, but my belly is getting…dramatic.  The change over the past week is surprising. I am going to be huge by the time this pregnancy is done.
Jen (and her IV pole) at 13 weeks

Heartbeats

We finally found the heartbeats(or at least, one of them) with the doppler! Will post them as soon as I figure out how.
Pretty cool.

ETA: Here you go!</p>

Surprise Ultrasound–Edited to Add PICS

Quick Summary: There’s still two, and they are Just Fine.

So, we had another doctor’s appointment today to see how the hyperemesis is going.  Basically, I’m still throwing up between 15 and 35 times a day, on 8mg of Zofran every 6 hours(this is the max dose).  The zofran dose just got raised yesterday, so we’re hoping for a better day today and a better weekend.  Dr S says if I keep vomiting like this, I’m going to have to have an NG tube–where they stick a tube down my nose, into my stomach, and run liquid nutrition through it.  He doesn’t want to do TPN(IV nutrition) unless we have to, and neither do I–though I’m not sure I’d be able to keep the NG formula down, either.  Next appointment is next Friday and we’ll see how things are going then.

Preface to the next story, which I am quite embarrassed about:  I am extremely easily freaked out, and very fearful that we’re going to lose one or both babies.  So, earlier in the week, I was..umm…struggling on the toilet, and mid-push, I feel something come…slipping out.  Of my vagina.  Something large and gooey.  Now, the rational part of me goes, “Hey. You’ve had increased cervical fluid/mucous, it was probably that, so don’t freak out.”  The completely irrational, and thus in control, part of me goes, “Oh my god, I just pooed out one of the babies.”  I couldn’t look in the toilet.  I just spent the week FREAKING OUT.

So, I decided, pride be damned, I’m going to say something about it to Dr S, and ask for an ultrasound.  The guy is a saint–he didn’t even bat an eye, just filled out the ultrasound requisition and got me in for a scan before I could even leave the office.  So, woo, surprise ultrasound.  And the (not so surprising)news: they’re perfect.  There’s still two of them, they’re both measuring 7w5d(spot on), and we got to hear the heartbeats! (once I calmed down enough to hold still)  Baby A is ticking along at 152, Baby B at 155.  We even got a DVD with the videos, which I will link to as soon as CJ gets them uploaded.

I cannot tell you how relieved I am.

Edit: Here’s the babies!

Edit 2: Argh, can’t get the videos to embed.  Here’s links:
Baby A   Baby B

Wow.

twinpic1

Fraternal twins.  I’m amazed.  And blessed.